BOILERPLATE FOR WRITING TO CLIENTS

Dear Stakeholder:
This routine, bureaucratic-say-nothing-bullshit acknowledgement is in response
to your letter dated XXXXXX. I am a corporate sycophant and am not authorized
to engage in intelligent information exchange with our customers who buy our products
and services so corporate staff can enjoy gainful employment and good wages - making
possible the good life! Frankly, we do not really have time to deal with letters from
our customers because we think:

* those customers who write are cranks who can never be satisfied;
* those customers who write are just out to get something for free;
* we think we know what our customers need and deserve and that is what we supply;
* frankly, we are too busy taking "Total Quality Service" courses to waste time implementing what we learn;

* we are not interested in consumer complaints as it makes our management unhappy;
* we think that you do not have enough intelligence to fully understand our services and products and that you do not appreciate the superior minds that have created them for you;
* if you really knew what goes on around here you would not waste your time writing to us; you would see your lawyer or certainly not be a repeat customer.

You can be assured that your letter has been:
* filed in file 13 (the waste basket);
* has been placed in the corporate mail system for transfer to our office closest to you for follow-up action - this usually ensures that it goes lost.

We hope this reply closes this matter to your satisfaction. Enclosed is one of our computer-readable client satisfaction survey forms. Please ensure that all ratings are indicated by using a BLACK, SOFT pencil and that the entire block is darkened.

Our corporation is dedicated to continuous improvement through the application of technology and total quality management principles. If the computer detects any written comments on the survey form, it will send it to this division, authorizing a corporate sycophant to do a follow-up by issuing another copy of this moronic, bureaucratic-say-nothing-bullshit acknowledgement!

We want to hear what you have to say, as long as you say what we want to hear!

We are not in the business of providing anything to anybody;
we are strictly in the business of making a living.

LIFE IS A TERMINAL DISEASE!

Life is a Terminal Disease!

To live today is a risky deal.
If a superbug won't get you,
the bird flu will!
You eat some food and before you know it
foodborne illness makes you throw up!
You go to hospital and soon you reel
in a bed full of Clostridium difficile!
And if you go out of doors a mosquito will
give you the virus from West Nile!
You leave the hospital and you think you are O.K.
only to find that you acquired MRSA!
For some companionship you make a spiel
only to find that now you got HIV
and now if the TB won't get you
the terrorists will!
No matter how clever your bullshit is,
only one thing is certain,
life is a sexually transmitted, always terminal disease! (bsguyx@gmail.com)

Bullshit on Bullshit und Ueberbullshit!

Secrecy is the ally of corruption,
the hiding place of incompetence,
leaders/ Fuehrers, sycophants and bullshitters!

*********************

BULLSHIT REMAINS BULLSHIT
UNLESS IT IS PRODUCED BY EXPERTS -THEN IT IS UEBERBULLSHIT!

*********************

That that is is.
That that is not is not.
However, we know not what is and what is not
and so we bullshit a lot!

*********************

Pathetic.
There is only one thing more pathetic
than a bullshitter trying to bullshit another bullshitter
and that is a bullshitter trying to bullshit a former bullshitter;
unless it is a former bullshitter trying to bullshit another former bullshitter.

*********************

You can bullshit some of the people all of the time,
you can bullshit all of the people some of the time,
but you can't bullshit all of the people all of the time!

*********************

No boondoggler can boondoggle
No dictator can dictate
No Fuehrer can fuehr
No leader can lead
No bullshitter can bullshit
Unless s/he can surround her/himself
with a bunch of (professional) grovellers
and system sycophants willing to do the dirty work!

*********************
LEADERSHIP:
Mindfucking your followers
into believing your bullshit!

Reference: McGinn, C. 2008, Mindfucking, Acumen Publishing Ltd.,

************************8